Not the Gunman

Years ago, in the midst of a hypothetical debate regarding religion and homosexuality, I was asked, “Why are you getting so emotional?” I didn’t have an answer right away. After all, the conversation was not about me, or anyone I knew. It was all safely within the realm of generality.

About a week later I was able to put into words what was so upseting to me: Even if the people I was talking to were not extremists, they were on the same side of the issue as people who have caused countless deaths – both murders and suicides – within the LGBT community.

Now, I’ve finally found someone who put it eloquently:


Photo credit: William Hubbard on Facebook. Thank you to Louis Niebur, a former college professor of mine, for sharing it.

If you’re reading this from a place of misunderstanding and disrespect for LGBT rights, it may seem harsh to you. But it is so important. People are dying. If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. You can be part of the solution. You can join the side of history that says, “All humans deserve human rights!” You can stop perpetuating hate and start spreading love. You can.


Photo credit: ElephantJournal on Instagram.

Keeping a Deadline Despite a Busy Life

How does anyone manage to write regularly when they have a family and a full-time job?

No, seriously. How?

Hopefully you didn’t come here to find out, because if I knew I wouldn’t be writing this apology post three months after my most recent one.

At the beginning of this year I set myself the goal of posting at least once per month. I was working on call, so the only thing hindering my ability to post was the fact that I was living with depression while parenting a two-year-old. I posted in January and February but, like most New Year’s resolutions, progress stalled after that. I got a full-time job in March, and I haven’t posted since.

Well, that’s about to change. Unlike most New Year’s resolutions, I’m jumping back on the horse!

There’s a writing tip, if that’s what you came here for: Don’t give up. Even when you feel like you’ve fallen short. Even when you’ve taken an unintentional break and your brain is rusty. When you fall off the horse, you get back on.

I said I was going to write a feminist blog series on Disney Princesses, and that’s what I’m going to do.

Coming soon: a feminist take on Belle from Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.

I can’t wait!

Thaw a Frozen Heart: Beauty, Love, & Upended Expectations in “Frozen”

In honor of Valentine’s Day, the February installment of my Feminists’ Guide to Disney is all about


But not romantic love. Because isn’t there already enough focus on that in Disney Princess movies?

Today we’re going to look at the love between Princess Anna and Queen Elsa.

One reason why Frozen is amazing – not only for opening up a conversation about feminism with your kids, but also just in general – is the way it turns our expectations on their heads. (This has been a common theme for Disney Princess movies ever since Enchanted. Keep checking in, and maybe I’ll post about Giselle.) There are three specific princess tropes we have come to expect from Disney that are tossed to the side in Frozen. The first is that a princess is always beautiful, and the second and third are different aspects of the importance of romantic love.


1)Fairest of Them All

Beauty was one of the only characteristics of early Disney Princesses. Somehow it is always something that side characters bring up when they’re meeting the princess for the first time.

appearance vs accomplishments

image courtesy of Carmen Fought and Karen Eisenhauer, via the Washington Post

In fact, when linguists Carmen Fought and Karen Eisenhauer studied the complements that characters give Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty, they found that 55% of those complements were based on the princesses’ appearance, while only 11% were based on “skills or accomplishments.”


During the Disney Renaissance, characters complemented princesses on their appearance about 38% of the time, and on their abilities or actions about 23% of the time.

In the New Age of Disney films, finally, princesses receive only 22% of their complements on their appearance, and 40% on their skills.


But the moment in Frozen when the trope is truly turned upside down is when guests are making their way to the newly opened gates for Elsa’s coronation. One of the men walking in states how excited he is to see the princesses, because they must be lovely.

And his companion says, “I’ll bet they are beautiful!”

Cut to:

bed head Anna

This is a fleeting moment, which at first glance seems to be purely for humor’s sake. But it is so much more. To a little girl watching the movie, a little girl who longs to be a princess with perfect clothes and perfect hair and a perfect body, this moment is a small victory. To that little girl, this moment says, “Princesses are not always beautiful.”

When it comes to portraying the wide range of beauty present in humanity, Disney has a long way to go. But this moment is a small step in the right direction.


2) So This is Love

Ugh, love at first sight.

I’ve always hated the notion of love at first sight. Even as an idealistic little girl. Even as a boy-crazy teen. I always thought the very idea of love at first sight was an insult to what love truly is. Because true love is about so much more than what you can see in one instant. True love comes from learning who a person is. And people are complicated. Learning who someone is takes time.

So imagine my delight when I first watched Frozen in theaters and saw what Disney had done with the old “Hey, I just met you – and this is crazy – but I love you so let’s get married and also subject an entire kingdom to the consequences of our impulsive whims, why not?”

Anna and Hans meet one afternoon, sing a duet about finding their other half in each other that same evening, and are engaged to be married before the night is over.

Hans & Anna.jpg

But Elsa, apparently unaware that she’s in a Disney movie, will not give her blessing for their union because they’ve known each other less than a day and Elsa is a sane human being. Later, we find out that Hans was playing Anna for a sap the whole time, and goes so far as to call her “desperate.”

I was briefly worried the movie would still have a let’s-rush-into-love couple, when Anna and Kristoff (whom she’s also known for about a day) start to run to each other for true love’s kiss. Fortunately, even that trope kicked the bucket in this movie…

3) True Love Conquers All

True love’s kiss has been a staple of fairy tales since they were nothing more than oral traditions. So naturally, when the characters discover that only an act of true love will thaw a frozen heart, they immediately jump to the conclusion that the only solution is true love’s kiss.

Anna’s heart has been frozen, and the rest of her is rapidly turning to ice. Kristoff rushes her to the castle so she can kiss Hans. And when that turns out to be a bust, Anna rushes out of the castle so she can kiss Kristoff.

But it’s not Anna’s love for a man that saves her. It’s her love for Elsa. By sacrificing herself, Anna not only saves her sister, but she also saves herself.

So true love does conquer all. It’s just not the same kind of love you were expecting.

Anna & Elsa

Not a Prize to be Won: A Woman’s Agency in Agrabah

As the first month of this new year draws to a close, I begin my Disney blog series with its first installment: a feminist exploration of Princess Jasmine.


Aladdin was the first Disney movie to feature a non-Caucasian princess. Finally, little girls with darker skin and hair could see themselves in a Disney Princess.

But how well did Aladdin portray Jasmine’s nationality and culture?

The movie takes place in the fictional Middle Eastern kingdom of Agrabah. The narrator is our first impression of this land, and one of the first lines in his opening song is: “It’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home.” This sense of barbarity continues later on in the movie when a marketplace vendor nearly chops off Jasmine’s hand for stealing an apple. Not exactly painting a positive cultural image.

Although they are Middle Eastern characters, both Aladdin and Jasmine have typically Caucasian features, other than their hair and skin color. Which characters do have the stereotypical Middle Eastern features? Jafar, Gazeem (the “humble thief” who gets eaten by the Cave of Wonders in the beginning of the movie), the palace guards, the narrator, & various background characters. In other words: villains and side characters.

Also be aware that almost every name is mispronounced. I grew up pronouncing Allah incorrectly, which in certain company can be upsetting and offensive. I didn’t even know that Aladdin and Jasmine had their name pronunciations butchered until I watched the movie with a friend of mine who speaks Hindi as her first language.

In short, if someone tells you Disney doesn’t whitewash, because they didn’t make Jasmine into Jessica, you can show them the realistic depictions of the princess whose name should be pronounced “Jaz-meen.”

historically accurate Jasmine - model

image courtesy of

historically accurate Jasmine - drawing

historically accurate Jasmine courtesy of deviantart user Wickfield

Of course, Jasmine’s role in the movie is what you’ll want to focus on when discussing Aladdin with your kids. And Jasmine’s role and experiences would have been very different had the creators chosen to follow realistic cultural values. We’ll assume the movie takes place around the beginning of Islam because they reference Allah, and Jasmine is allowed a say in who she marries – just a bit later in history her consent would not have been required for her marriage. Suitors come to her, and she has the power to tell her father that she will not marry them. When Jafar suggests to the Sultan that he should choose for his daughter, the Sultan argues that she didn’t like any of those suitors and he can’t pick someone she doesn’t like.

But this time period also means that Jasmine would most likely be one of four wives. Depending on her husband’s opinion of her, she might still be considered a “queen,” but probably not one with much power.

Instead, Jasmine is the heir to the throne in her own right. Her husband will become Sultan through her. She is the one with the power.

Jasmine is well aware of this power she has. We see this when she tells Jafar that the one good thing that will come of her being forced to marry is that “when [she] is queen, [she] will have the power to get rid of” him.

Yet when Jasmine overhears her father, Jafar, and Aladdin talking behind her back about who she will marry, she tells them off. She is indignant, and she is not afraid to let them know it. And rather than berating her for speaking in their presence, the men are actually ashamed of their behavior when she calls them on it. (Well, not Jafar, but he’s the bad guy! I mean, Jafar also says that being speechless is “a fine quality in a wife.” Make sure to point out to your kids that there’s a reason it’s the bad guy saying that!)

Jasmine’s reaction in this scene is what to emphasize with your children when you watch Aladdin together – not just your daughters either. Jasmine’s expectation of how she deserves to be treated is how all children should learn to treat people. And the crazy thing is, the words Jasmine uses directly contradict what a realistic society of the time would not question: “I am not a prize to be won.”

Honesty is an Editor’s Best Policy

With the new Star Wars coming out next week, some friends and I decided to do a marathon. Starting with The Phantom Menace and ending with Return of the Jedi, we’ve been watching one movie per week until The Force Awakens.


We were all ecstatic when we completed the most difficult part of this marathon: the prequel trilogy. Phew! It was all downhill from there!


Watching those prequels got my husband and I to wondering, How? How in the world did those movies get made? How did those special effects pass for acceptable? Better yet, how did the scripts even make it through the editing process in the first place?


My husband had a great insight into the answer to these questions: The Star Wars prequels are simply a demonstration of what happens when nobody tells the writer, “No.”


Before The Phantom Menace, George Lucas could do no wrong in the eyes of many of his fans. (In hindsight, the rerelease of the original trilogy with “upgraded” special effects should’ve tipped us off.) People were actually excited for the new trilogy.


No one wanted to tell George Lucas he should hire someone else to write the romance between Padmé and Anakin. No one wanted to tell him he was going overboard with the special effects. No one wanted to tell him Jar Jar Binks was a terrible idea.


That is, until The Phantom Menace came out. Then, suddenly, they couldn’t wait to tear George Lucas to shreds. Even his most devout fans have lost faith in the once-great George Lucas, and they rejoice in the fact that he no longer has control over the franchise.


Of course, this (often not-so-constructive) criticism came far too late. As much as we would like to pretend they never happened at all, we must now live in a world in which the Star Wars prequel trilogy exists.


Therefore, the lesson to be learned from the catastrophe that is Episodes I, II, and III, is the extreme importance of editing and getting honest feedback before signing off on a completed work. Whether you’re a rookie author writing your first short story or a big time Hollywood director expanding your pet nerd-verse, you’re going to need to revise your drafts multiple times. Get over it.


So when your newest project is fresh off the printer, don’t rely on your best friend, significant other, or mother to give you constructive criticism. Get an unbiased opinion. Hire a professional editor (I’m available, btw) who won’t treat you like a diva. You don’t need to be babied – you need to become better at your artform.


Once you have that editor, don’t take their critiques personally. They’re not trying to hurt your feelings. They’re trying to strengthen your writing. Remember that when you’re mourning the Story That Was. Know when to keep your own voice, and when to make changes.


And for goodness sakes, know when to cut that annoying, racist, poorly-CGI’d character out of the story entirely!


Kindred Spirits

Last weekend was my very first time attending a comic book convention: Wizard World Comic Con. Being here in Reno, Nevada, it was a relatively small convention, but it was an amazing experience.

I’ve wanted to go to a Comic Con for years now, even though I was not entirely sure what to expect. To be honest, the biggest appeal for me was probably the cosplay. I do love having excuses to dress up! I got to pull out my steampunk costume, which is always fun.

But the highlight of the Con, for me, turned out to be a panel on world-building and story-telling. I hadn’t put much thought at all into hearing a panel, but I’m so glad I did.


from left to right: David Michael Slater, Genese Davis, Tracy Clark, & Heather Petty

I’d forgotten how much I love being surrounded by other people who share my passion for writing. I learned new things and walked away with some great tips, but mostly I just wanted to soak up the energy of that room filled with creative minds bursting to put their ideas on paper.


Panel Audience

You can see me in the audience, about halfway back!

There’s something about being with kindred spirits that makes you resist waiting any longer to pursue your dream.



If this is the feeling I got from a single writing panel at a Comic Con, imagine what a conference focused entirely on writing can do!

It’s been almost four years since the first and only Writers’ Conference I ever attended. The time has definitely come to revisit one. Obviously the TMCC Writers’ Conference is most convenient for me, but I’ll be looking into those of surrounding areas as well. The conference I attended in 2013 was so inspiring – and it got me out of my comfort zone as well as introduced me to some friendly and influential people in the publishing business.

I’m already excited to go again!

My Coming Out Story

Happy National Coming Out Day! Whether you came out today, you’re celebrating an anniversary of coming out, or you’re simply reflecting on your own personal journey, today is a day to be proud of yourself exactly as you are.

This year for Coming Out Day, I’m going to tell the story of how I came out… to myself.


I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian church, which meant I had some strong feelings about homosexuality and God. So when I was in high school, and I started to wonder if I was in love with my best (girl) friend, I shoved the “sinful” thoughts away. Most of the time, my general repression was subconscious, but these were feelings that I actively repressed. They scared me too much to give any serious thought to them. I comforted myself with the reassurance that I was attracted to boys, and therefore could not be a lesbian.

Four years or so later, having been in a couple of feminist theory classes, and out of my parents’ house, I stopped going to church. I could no longer believe that love could keep someone out of Heaven. My decision to leave that toxic environment was the first step I had to take before I could truly love and accept myself.

About six months later, my then-boyfriend and I were talking and he said, “Wouldn’t it be funny if we told people that we’re both bi, and we both just happened to end up with someone of the opposite sex?” So that became our inside joke.

I think I needed that non-threatening, humorous space to say those words about myself before I could say in all seriousness and honesty, “I don’t think it’s a joke for me.” It still took me months to be comfortable enough to say out loud, “I’m bisexual,” and even longer to be able to say it to my family and the majority of my friends.

But admitting to myself that I’m attracted to women was not the end of my self-acceptance journey. For me, the last piece of the puzzle was a life-changing college class, Philosophy of the Body, with Denise Lecamp.

I was more or less halfway through getting my bachelor’s degree at the University of Nevada, Reno, and a philosophy course that doubled as a women’s studies course seemed like a great way to get the major-related elective that I needed. We discussed the mind-body split and wabi sabi, and I learned that “imperfection” could be viewed as a form of perfection.

Now, I’d had body image issues for years, since before I’d even begun middle school. I used to spend days at a time with sheets draped over my mirrors, and fantasies of self-attempted liposuction in my head. I used to beat myself up over not having enough will power to be anorexic.

So the idea of finding beauty in imperfection was a much-needed revelation.

But it was one specific passage of one specific book, Appetites: Why Women Want by Caroline Knapp, that made the true difference:

Look at me, the goddess says. You’re so fat compared  to me. You’ll never have hair like mine. You’ll never be so desirable. As Wheelock professor Gail Dines puts it, “To men, the look says ‘Fuck me’; to women, it says, ‘Fuck you.'”

Like I said, it was the last piece of the puzzle. All those years I’d spent hating myself, it wasn’t truly because of the way I looked. The real reason was because whenever I saw that ever-present image of the “perfect” woman, I couldn’t handle the “fuck me” message she sent, and so I exaggerated the “fuck you” message.

Once I was able to accept my bisexuality, I was able to stop exaggerating the “fuck you” message. And I was able to truly love myself. Just as I learned that there is no split between the mind and the body, I learned that I had to fully love who I am on the inside before I could love myself on the outside.To Love Oneself